Game Misconduct Volume 1 Edition 3

Report: Preseason Fantasy Football Not As Good As Regular Season

AP--- A study found that among the 47% of American citizens that play fantasy football. A surprisingly high 8% of them have tried the newer invention of Preseason Fantasy.
"It's a lot tougher," said Brian Barttlemen, "it's all about finding that ultimate sleeper player. This year I have my eyes set on Chad Mustard and David Aromashodu."
While finding that sleeper player may be easy to some, others are finding it difficult to just find a league with the short amount of time the leagues have before playoffs begin.
Randy Feinberg of Duluth, Minnesota has been advocating the league add a 5th and 6th preseason game for over three years now.
"Some people want the preseason to end sooner to spare their players from serious injury, but those people don't even consider the hundreds of us that need those last three weeks to determine our champions."
Aaron Medipants from the Association to End Preseason Football Before It's Too Late (or AEPFBITL for short) says this group of people are an outrage to American Fantasy Sports.
"They are an outrage to American Fantasy Sports. Everyone knows the real Fantasy Seasons start in September and anyone who says different has a serious gambling problem."
This debate does not seem to end anytime soon, but for both Feinburg and Barttlemen that's more than enough time to continue to fight the good fight.
"We will continue our shorter, favorable fantasy schedule until we are dead, and that's a fact."

BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre Traded To San Diego Area Flag Football Team Chicks +Dicks

GREEN BAY--- This reporter has just gotten word that Brett Favre, longtime Packer hero has been traded to local co-ed Flag Football team Chicks and Dicks for 12$ cash and Chicks + Dicks WR Jennie Yarhtzel's secret oatmeal raisin cookie recipe.
"We're stoked," said Jennie, "last year we came within one play of making the superb bowl, but because of our douchebag quarterback who most likely just closes his eyes and rifles the ball wherever he could get it. We think that while Brett may do some of the same, he'll do it in a manner that earns 13 million dollars a year."
The mood in Green Bay was rather somber, as many saw Favre traded to a team that wears the purple and yellow the Packers have been rivals with for decades.
Mike McCarthy said this is a sad day for Green Bay "I've never thought I'd ever live to see the day that Brett would dress in those colors. I was certain he shit yellow and green. Literally certain! I mean I once saw his shit and it was disgusting."

Prince Fielder Justifies Feud In Dugout Because It Worked In Major League 2

MILWAUKEE--- Yesterday after pushing starting pitcher Manny Parra in the dugout inciting a short feud between the two as many players joined to restrain Fielder from Parra.
"I made a mistake, "Fielder said in a press conference, "But.. haven't you guys ever seen Major League 2? I mean how do you think they made the playoffs? Didn't that start their whole playoff run. I'm just trying to give our team that push we need."


Terrell Owens Excited To Tear Apart Another Team Again This Year

DALLAS--- Terrell Owens is finally ready to breakout of his "team-first" mantra he adapted as a result of the backlash that occurred after leaving Philadelphia back in 2005.
"I feel I've done all I can here and I can't hide my true colors anymore. If Brett Favre was our QB. We'd be a lot better off than we are now. Tony can't win in pressure game. He don't get T.O. the ball when T.O. needs the ball," Owens said.
Owens has even started to go out with controversial talent Adam "I'm still Pac-Man" Jones.
"We made it rain last night. That sh*t was balla. I finally popped a cap in someone's ass it was...actually...we left a while before that dude got shot, I have no knowledge or anything about that incident. Talk to my lawyers bitch."